cherescorner

When I was a little girl, I was afraid of ghosts. But, as I grew older, the teachings of society took over and the phrase "there's no such thing as a ghost" became my train of thought.

It wasn't until my son died of an apparent suicide, that my thought about life and death changed. Things happened. Little hints from beyond that "communicated" to me that my boy was "near."

The day after he "passed" (it is still hard for me to say the "D" word) I noticed a white, fog-like appearance in my living room going into my hallway. At that time, I was afraid. I am not afraid now.

My youngest son died from a gun-shot wound to his head. He had locked the bathroom door. My oldest son and I went outside to the bathroom window. I decided we could break the window to get into the bathroom. We splintered the glass in our efforts to get to my son. However, I looked through the broken glass only to see the beautiful, blue "fixed" eyes of my youngest son. I knew he was gone. A voice--a moment of logic? Or something from beyond?-- told me to stop my oldest son from going through that broken glass. He was only wearing gym trunks. The most logical, clear voice came into my head, saying, "You have lost one son, don't lose another one." I told my oldest son we should not go through the window, the glass may get on his brother and hurt him more. I did not say, "your brother is gone." I knew that would only make my oldest son try harder to go through that glass and  I new "logically" that I couldn't let him do that.

So how does a mother who is looking a the body of her "dead" son think clearly enough to stop her "living" son from doing something that could harm him? I believe my son who was laying lifelessly in my bathroom floor in a pool of blood was telling me to keep his brother from going through that glass. He was protecting his big brother.

The day of the funeral was a cold January day. It was dark, cloudy, and spitting snow. When the funeral was over, my son and daughter and I were walking to the limo to go to the cemetery. As soon as we walked out the door into the open air, the skies opened, the clouds swiftly parted and the sun began to shine on us. It was as if "someone" was saying, "Hey, I am all right; I am up here!"

Chere

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